Tonight I was listening to the chart show and I heard the ghosts of Christmas past dug up, dusted off and downloaded. Tonight's Top 40 includes such horrors as Shakin' Stevens' '
Merry Christmas Everyone', Wizzard's
'I wish it could be Christmas every day' and Slade's
'Merry Christmas Everybody'. It even has everyone's secret favourite
'Last Christmas' by Wham! As a Duranie it breaks my heart that bloody Wham is everyone's favourite. It should be Duran Duran, clearly. But, whilst they didn't fail us often (apart from the shit 90s albums) they let us down big time in the 80s. They didn't record a Christmas record.
Ok, I am aware that Simon sung his heart out on '
Do they know it's Christmas'. In fact, and I bet you didn't know this Duran fans,
Simon le Bon actually recorded the whole of the song in order to show the rest of the artists that day how to sing it. Which is ironic when you consider that high note failure at Live Aid in Summer 1985. But, the fact remains, Duran Duran didn't do a Christmas record of their own. Now I am aware that Nick's lip would have curled in a very louche way at the idea of a tacky Chrimbo record but surely Andy could have come up with a tune?
It's Christmastime, there's a need to be afraid
At Christmastime Duran are rarely played.
It's heartbreaking.
Just think of the joy we could have watching the Duran Christmas video: elf women languidly feeling up presents whilst Simon gets his head dunked in a big manly pool of brandy cream. John could wear a santa hat. Nick could wear a red jacket and white trousers. Andy could be drinking with a few models. We'd glimpse Roger for about 2 seconds in the entire video. Which would be filmed somewhere amazing like Kilimajaro or Skegness. Every year we'd know it was Christmas because the Duran song would be playing at us whilst we searched for a toiletry box set for our Auntie.
Go on Duran - it's never too late - we need a Christmas song. We need a Duran Christmas.
