Strictly Come Duran Duran

I would surmise that as I am 37 and my fame is limited to:

(1) having been on the front cover of the Ladybird Book of Guides in 1983 (yes, one of these people is me. And no, I'm not telling you which).

(2) writing this blog (readership: me) and I Miss 1985 (readership: 500 page views per month, but it is anonymous - durrr)

(3) having been interviewed for 2 seconds on Look North in 2008

(4) having given a dreadful radio interview in about 1998 about railway fencing for local radio, and

(5) being in the Brickhill and Bedford Gazette in 1976 for my virtuoso turn as the narrator of 'Norsey, the Elf from the North'

it is unlikely that I will ever be asked to participate in Strictly Come Dancing.

However should I ever appear this is my first wishlist of the dances that I would wish to do:

1. 'Save a Prayer' - a rhumba. For this I would wear white and khaki reminiscent Simon's turn as tortured (new) romantic with no shoes, as seen below.

2. 'Rio' - a tango. Clearly for this I would have to dress up as the green snake lady who writhes around on the deck of the yacht. http://www.duranasty.com/magic_pills/mp19.jpg

I am assuming such apparel would be a big hit with Bruno Tonioni.

3. 'Notorious' - a salsa. This requires a black bra top and cycling shorts. I don't know what Len Goodman will say, particularly about a slightly plump late 30s woman in such attire, but for the sake of Strictly Duran Duran it MUST BE DONE.

And yes, I still fancy them. So my choice of dancing partner would be Simon le Bon because he's meaty enough to lift me up. Nick Rhodes would like the outfits but I never dance with blokes wearing more eyeliner than me.

I bet I look good on a dancefloor.

Dear fellow traveller on the information highway I have sad tidings to convey. Last night I went to a club and the DJ had Duran Duran on CD. But he didn't play it. Even though I tried all my best persuasive techniques. I used hyperbole. I used emotive language. I used fact and opinion. Heck, I probably even threw in a list of three. But he didn't play Duran Duran. Stone Roses, yes. Oasis, numerous times. Pigeon Detectives, heck yeah. The Smiths, yes sirree. But no Duran Duran.

This was clearly an epic failure because the dancefloor was all but empty and everyone knows what happens when the clickety-click camera bit of 'Girls on Film' starts. Yes, I scream. But after that the dancefloor fills. And some of the dancers are even people who I didn't propel there.

You see, the poor man was deluded into believing Duran Duran aren't indie. However, without Duran indie wouldn't even exist. Actually, if you're me you think that the entirety of western culture devolves from Nick Rhodes' fringe. But I recognise that I'm crackers.

So why should he have played Duran Duran? Because it would have followed these lyrics from one song he played serendipitously:

Your name isn't Rio, but I don't care for sand
And lighting the fuse might result in a bang, b-b-bang, go!

I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
I don't know if you're looking for romance or
I don't know what you're looking for
I said, I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
From 1984!

Good god. What a missed opportunity.