Ashes to Ashes

Go here. Choose Duran Duran. Enjoy.

The world in all his fire

These past two weeks I have been sat in a very sumptuous hotel, high on a promontory overlooking the Bay of Naples and Mount Vesuvius. For those who have momentarily forgotten their ancient history in AD 79 Vesuvius erupted and wiped out all but the name of the city of Pompeii for the best part of two millennia. The views are spectacular (as are the pasta dishes).







Now, ever the culture vulture I have undertaken a thorough examination of both the sites of Pompeii and Herculaneum, and giggled muchly at all the Roman images of penises (surely penii in Latin?) to be found in the remains. However, my greatest exposure to Italian culture was on the Isle of Capri. There, amongst the remains of Tiberius' villa Jovis and the whole history of Magna Graeca I felt compelled to worship the heights of Italian artistic achievement. Namely Gucci shoes and Prada handbags. And Dolce & Gabbana dresses. I'm pretty certain Nick Rhodes would feel the same.



Today I was sat contemplating the view of Vesuvius from the hotel swimming pool. I was thinking idly about how cool it would be to see Vesuvius explode (from a safe distance) but how it might be significantly less cool for the 700,000 people who live in the direct fallout zone from any eruption. At that moment a very familiar and well loved sound started over the music system. It was the haunting introduction to 'Save a Prayer'. A perfect soundtrack to any sunbathing/ mass destruction by lava incident - why? Listen to the lyrics...

If you can, you'll see the world in all his fire

Take a chance

(Like all dreamers can't find another way)

You don't have to dream it all, just live a day

Don't say a prayer for me now,

Save it 'til the morning after

No, don't say a prayer for me now,

Save it 'til the morning after

Save it 'til the morning after,

Save it till the morning after

I only they'd had Duran Duran in AD79.....

Happy International Duran Duran Appreciation day.

Heck, isn't every day?





By the way, I'm writing this in January and scheduling it for August 10th just in case I'm too overwhelmed by emotion / alcohol / Roger to post.

Drumming up support

In the 1980s there were some huge disasters: Chernobyl, the famine in Ethiopia and Flock of Seagulls. You can imagine the international disaster committee's consternation - what should be done? Well, clearly there was only one answer. Duran Duran were called in to save the world. The first question was how to prevent people all over the world from being contaminated by the nuclear fallout from Chernobyl? The answer, simple. Nick Rhodes led by example donning a white suit (proven to repel any plutonium residues) and John Taylor inspiring the world to protect themselves from black rain by the simple solution of wearing a trilby over a massive mullet. And so, the world lived another day.

Secondly, Duran Duran single mindedly ended all famine (well, not quite) by being leaders of the free world. Uniting the world in song. They sang 'Feed the World' and the world was fed. Amply fed. Look at pictures of Simon le Bon from about 1986 if you need any proof. In my local museum there is a whole wing dedicated to this. Ok, maybe it's one leaflet. But still.

However, for a few traumatic hours in 1985 the entire world was on tenterhooks. Ask anyone what they remember about 1985 and their response is almost certain to be - wondering whether Simon le Bon was going to be saved from his capsized sailing ship, Drum. I believe that the UN was convened that night and whichever pontiff was Top of the Popes at the time was asked to intercede with the Boss. And if Bruce Springsteen was busy, maybe the deity? And if Nick Rhodes was busy ... (ok, I'll stop now). Anyway, Simon was saved. As was the world.

And now, ever one to laugh in the face of danger and Slimfast, Simon is trying to save the world again. This time fellow members of the Duran sorority you must be ready for Sunday 8th March 2009, 10pm BBC2 'High Altitude' where Simon Le Bon and his brother Jonny, will visit a frozen lake in Sweden in a quest for sailing supremacy - on ice. They will fly across the ice on catamarans at speeds of up to 100kph in an exhilarating - and potentially very dangerous competition. Why, you ask? Well clearly, the apocalyptic ice age demonstrated by The Day After Tomorrow is about to happen and Simon's been shoed in to find a way to fight the freeze.

Duran Duran save the world. Again.

It's Christmas-time: there's a need to be afraid

Tonight I was listening to the chart show and I heard the ghosts of Christmas past dug up, dusted off and downloaded. Tonight's Top 40 includes such horrors as Shakin' Stevens' 'Merry Christmas Everyone', Wizzard's 'I wish it could be Christmas every day' and Slade's 'Merry Christmas Everybody'. It even has everyone's secret favourite 'Last Christmas' by Wham! As a Duranie it breaks my heart that bloody Wham is everyone's favourite. It should be Duran Duran, clearly. But, whilst they didn't fail us often (apart from the shit 90s albums) they let us down big time in the 80s. They didn't record a Christmas record.

Ok, I am aware that Simon sung his heart out on 'Do they know it's Christmas'. In fact, and I bet you didn't know this Duran fans, Simon le Bon actually recorded the whole of the song in order to show the rest of the artists that day how to sing it. Which is ironic when you consider that high note failure at Live Aid in Summer 1985. But, the fact remains, Duran Duran didn't do a Christmas record of their own. Now I am aware that Nick's lip would have curled in a very louche way at the idea of a tacky Chrimbo record but surely Andy could have come up with a tune?

It's Christmastime, there's a need to be afraid

At Christmastime Duran are rarely played.

It's heartbreaking.

Just think of the joy we could have watching the Duran Christmas video: elf women languidly feeling up presents whilst Simon gets his head dunked in a big manly pool of brandy cream. John could wear a santa hat. Nick could wear a red jacket and white trousers. Andy could be drinking with a few models. We'd glimpse Roger for about 2 seconds in the entire video. Which would be filmed somewhere amazing like Kilimajaro or Skegness. Every year we'd know it was Christmas because the Duran song would be playing at us whilst we searched for a toiletry box set for our Auntie.

Go on Duran - it's never too late - we need a Christmas song. We need a Duran Christmas.

Our great national heritage

For those unaware of the fact the National Trust is a repository for some of the most important historical icons that this fair nation isle can offer. The National Trust Act 1907 recognised that the National Trust was so very, very, very important in preserving the identity and magnificent cultural achievements of the British people that it delegated the right to the NT to create bylaws for its properties. Heck, it's that big a deal. http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/main/w-vh/w-visits/w-findaplace.htm

And now, the National Trust has joined forces with the National Portrait gallery to collate and preserve details of those whose Olympian and Herculean efforts have made this proud nation, erm, proud. In its hallowed halls lie the visages of the great and the good from aeons past. And a few Tories. http://www.npg.org.uk/live/index.asp

So, what have these two great institutions done? Well, they have joined together to create a database of the portraits of those without whom Britain would have no more culture than a small pot of yoghurt. They are all there: Kings, Queens, Prime Ministers, artists, scientists and explorers. It is a roll call of quite epic proportions.

But, the greatest of the great are also immortalised. Thankfully.

Look what I found ....

And did those feet, in ancient times, walk upon England's mountains green? Well, Simon might have, but Nick wouldn't have wanted to get his shoes dirty.

Strictly Come Duran Duran

I would surmise that as I am 37 and my fame is limited to:

(1) having been on the front cover of the Ladybird Book of Guides in 1983 (yes, one of these people is me. And no, I'm not telling you which).

(2) writing this blog (readership: me) and I Miss 1985 (readership: 500 page views per month, but it is anonymous - durrr)

(3) having been interviewed for 2 seconds on Look North in 2008

(4) having given a dreadful radio interview in about 1998 about railway fencing for local radio, and

(5) being in the Brickhill and Bedford Gazette in 1976 for my virtuoso turn as the narrator of 'Norsey, the Elf from the North'

it is unlikely that I will ever be asked to participate in Strictly Come Dancing.

However should I ever appear this is my first wishlist of the dances that I would wish to do:

1. 'Save a Prayer' - a rhumba. For this I would wear white and khaki reminiscent Simon's turn as tortured (new) romantic with no shoes, as seen below.

2. 'Rio' - a tango. Clearly for this I would have to dress up as the green snake lady who writhes around on the deck of the yacht. http://www.duranasty.com/magic_pills/mp19.jpg

I am assuming such apparel would be a big hit with Bruno Tonioni.

3. 'Notorious' - a salsa. This requires a black bra top and cycling shorts. I don't know what Len Goodman will say, particularly about a slightly plump late 30s woman in such attire, but for the sake of Strictly Duran Duran it MUST BE DONE.

And yes, I still fancy them. So my choice of dancing partner would be Simon le Bon because he's meaty enough to lift me up. Nick Rhodes would like the outfits but I never dance with blokes wearing more eyeliner than me.